Sentimental Part 1

All start with the Robbie William's King of Bloke and Bird....
Every time I listen to that song... All the feeling store deep inside my heart is burning around my body....
Just like the lyric..'All of my life... Searching Hard... Down in the wires... of love.."
What the "censor" is happen to me now?......
That girl... who I don't feel like liken her but felt more like a rival when she first step into the hall.
She look just like a character in a light novel I read... And it is disaster....
Forget about her first....She make me look like a pervert , that's what.
Why no one left a side and make me cry....I make the night happen.. it really happen in front of my eyes...
Even teachers like Miss Yap( who is one of the closest teacher to me in that school) said is not bad ...
Yeah for the moment I feel a little bit joy and I feel touching as my tears around my eyes....
But I don't feel happy at all....not a bit happy.....
Some think I don't help them...
But he don't know I cry for them...
Suddenly I feel only me... standing like a dust....breath inside the air they take....
I don't even know who I am that day...
Eating, dine with the gang, I don't feel like enjoying the dinner....
I even go outside and make a call( which the photo taken by Hun Jung )....
I look at the sky and ask them tell me why this happen happen to me...
OH , Lord please give me a hand.....
"censor " me... that's all I can said that night....
After the dinner, going home take a bath, sit on the sofa and listen to the music again.....my eyes..
My eyes were leaking again....don't know why.. suddenly I feel so helpless....
I never felt that bad before.... I cry alone... not even my mum know that.....
Can't sleep,hard to sleep.....
I really don't know what  do....but... I just want to talk to her( the another one who I think I be fond of too)...
I know I am annoying so I don't want to disturb her(Rachel) again... but she really help me 
a lot when I almost falling down before that night.. she is a good friend indeed.... I am touching....
But, frankly speaking...what I really want actually? 
people remember the every "censor-ing" I do?
people respect me as a leader?
people care about my "censor-ing" feeling?
What the "censor " I want !
I am useless.... Even what I want I also don't know......
What I can do is... thinking all over the night...summer me now! summer me to the other place!
I want to sing out the chaos in my heart!
I wish I am normal......