Sentimental Part 2

He also a man, I also a man, why I just too damn sentimental than everyone else?

Drinking a cup of hot Mlio in the midnight keep me feel warm...not as like just now..

Cool and helpless. Open the chat box with nothing to chat....Look at the facebook 

got nothing to do......

Homework? Done already......Look at the time, is almost 12am and I still cant fall into sleep...

Some said open the facebook is for relaxing and enjoyment, but for me, different.

Facebook do make me uncomfortable, in reason that checking status and photo

 the people I don't like much..

It just like a cold war between them... So I try to be myself, but can I really do that?

Well it is hard man... it is... not couple days job...Like my friend said, don't mind them because ...

you still have a year to go....Yeah, she is right....

Every time I pick up the phone and call Miss.L my tears almost burst out...

But for sure I will feel better after I call her up....

I don't want to annoy her , but I don'tr know who I should call up too....

She is one the first one I want to call every time I feel very tension...

The way she talk just like what I want really to heard...

Sometime, she help her from being such a loser... she teach me how is the society I stand for...

And I really thankful for what she teach, if I got a chance I will say a 100 times or even 1000 times 

'thank you' to her.....I know I have feeling toward her since I meet her..but I just lie to myself...

And Rachel... is special one, she just like a 'big sister' in the school where she looking up for me...

Example.. tell me where I am wrong, correct my speaking...sometime she may just get hot-temper..

but I know she is cool...

I also cry out when I call her up because of the conflict of MPU... What a joke from me...

Because she already help me a lot.. so sometime i try to hide out my problem and try to 

buried it myself.....

I just can't always ask her to listen what I said.. Well if she don't care....

When I think again, I wasn't as strong as other people think I am. 

I cry inside myself.

I feel alone.
I lost my best friend.
But I don't want to miss the friend I have now.

Heng, Foong ,Jie,Fai,Ping,Alvin, almost the whole form six.....

I just don't want to loose them....

I doesn't want to talk not because I want to act cool but this is really me...

I really don't talk much in front of people...

As much as I think , the more the losing of my own...

I almost don't know who is the guy in the mirror in the morning...

Some look at me like a freak.. I don't know why...My friend told me to don't mind..

But I can't , because they really look at me like that... the sense from my heart...

Is cutting me like shit.....

12.25am... Tomorrow got school and my still a wake like the morning...

Think why this happen to me...

But I want to live my life happy so I decided continue to write as much as I can..

Try to express my feeling... my true feeling.. my hidden feeling...

Listen to the song I don't understand...chat with a good friend...

Guess I found a good place for me now...

The empty cup on the on the desk beside my mouse just like my mind...

Empty and nothing inside..

I try to fill up with something colorful but the only color I can get is blue....

Try to think of Miss.L but I can't...I don't want people to hate me, 

but I don't expect people to like me..

But is it me really don't care about that?

Sentimental Part 1

All start with the Robbie William's King of Bloke and Bird....
Every time I listen to that song... All the feeling store deep inside my heart is burning around my body....
Just like the lyric..'All of my life... Searching Hard... Down in the wires... of love.."
What the "censor" is happen to me now?......
That girl... who I don't feel like liken her but felt more like a rival when she first step into the hall.
She look just like a character in a light novel I read... And it is disaster....
Forget about her first....She make me look like a pervert , that's what.
Why no one left a side and make me cry....I make the night happen.. it really happen in front of my eyes...
Even teachers like Miss Yap( who is one of the closest teacher to me in that school) said is not bad ...
Yeah for the moment I feel a little bit joy and I feel touching as my tears around my eyes....
But I don't feel happy at all....not a bit happy.....
Some think I don't help them...
But he don't know I cry for them...
Suddenly I feel only me... standing like a dust....breath inside the air they take....
I don't even know who I am that day...
Eating, dine with the gang, I don't feel like enjoying the dinner....
I even go outside and make a call( which the photo taken by Hun Jung )....
I look at the sky and ask them tell me why this happen happen to me...
OH , Lord please give me a hand.....
"censor " me... that's all I can said that night....
After the dinner, going home take a bath, sit on the sofa and listen to the music again.....my eyes..
My eyes were leaking again....don't know why.. suddenly I feel so helpless....
I never felt that bad before.... I cry alone... not even my mum know that.....
Can't sleep,hard to sleep.....
I really don't know what  do....but... I just want to talk to her( the another one who I think I be fond of too)...
I know I am annoying so I don't want to disturb her(Rachel) again... but she really help me 
a lot when I almost falling down before that night.. she is a good friend indeed.... I am touching....
But, frankly speaking...what I really want actually? 
people remember the every "censor-ing" I do?
people respect me as a leader?
people care about my "censor-ing" feeling?
What the "censor " I want !
I am useless.... Even what I want I also don't know......
What I can do is... thinking all over the night...summer me now! summer me to the other place!
I want to sing out the chaos in my heart!
I wish I am normal......

Table talk part one.

Well in the mid-June i think.. after a long school day suddenly me and the 6R1 fellow want to have a drink and lunch before we went home. So I joined the group, because I bring along my camera to school, so not least ...taking photograph....^^
Okay ,well the conversation actually goes to when we having lunch at the vegetarian store... which we went to 'Wong Ko' cafe to have another round...And here we go...
Still remember there is me, CBy, Mei Juan, Mr.Ping ,Alvin , Shoggi, Rachel, Xian Wen and that is....don't make the story complicated...so as we sit down we order some drink,
"I think I want to drink Chines-Tea... okay?", I said.
As almost everyone agree so I asking for a order, and a indo-waitress is coming.
"Saya mau chinese tea." I ask.
"berapa?" she ask me back.
"er satu tu... pot punya.." I said.
"pot?... apa tu..?" she ask me back.
Then almost silence for a minute, the indo-waitress turn back and walk away. Guess she is confuse as us.. then she show up with a pot just like i ask.
"ni ka..?'she ask.
"ah..betul....."I said.
After the order we don't talk much as everyone is playing with their finger and cell phone. And finally the tea has arrival . Me, Alvin, Mr.Ping, Shoggi, Xian Wen and CBy take a drink of that as others orders other than tea. Thne the conversation goes on as Shoggi ask me a question.
"Did you watch porn?"
All the guys were stunt for a couple second and began to laugh except CBy, he look confuse and uncomfortable will that question as he said.
"Why you ask this ha..?!"
As Shoggi waiting for the boys answer, me , Mr.Ping and Alvin cheers for the answer we boys all know (but no for CBy as he still in confuse...) then three of us start to laugh like a pervert (as Rachel told me after that)...
And suddenly Cby said something who really make us stop laughing...
" I will eject( as three of just miss understand he mean ) in 3 second if I watch..."
Well like I said just now we misunderstanding and we start to laugh like a mad man again.. as the other waitress looking at us...like weirdo...
Then the naughty Shoggi is not finish yet she ask more deeper to Alvin..
"What kind the country you like? Japan? US? or India?!"
Or for God sake, we said nothing but cheers for the question again...As soon as we laugh CBy use a cool eye sigh stare at Mr. Ping and Xian Wen start to close lay her head on the table and close her up to avoid the chat between us... that is sex....well we do respect the ladies so we don't carry the topic anymore..
But I don't know why the topic will change from sex to girl in the school....
Well also end up will three of the guys laughing till dead...(except CBy again)....
Well overall.. interesting but a bit.... weird....

The chapter re-open

Well, just like other bloggers I lost my old account and have to re-open a new one.
And I am happy I'm back on line ^^... Yeah, it should be interesting....
So I guess this is what I want to said before the chapter re-open...