Alone/Lonely

I live my life as easy as I can.
But, sometime things just keep me in trouble...
I hate that feeling....
Is good things can back on track..
Everything just fine....
The problem is, what the hell I thinking?
I just keep fooling by the word'Alone" and " lonely".
But what make them diffident?
What is lonely and what is alone?
Well it look same but the feeling is differences.
For some years, I being alone for a while.
I don't talk to others much, I even felt I got some anti-social inside me.
That time, I was a sad boy instead having a happy childhood.
My only happy childhood start at standard 6,
which mean I only have one pure happy year in my primary school.
Good things don't stand too long, after I being study at Form 1,
Tings seem good to me at the beginning but at the mid-end, it wasn't
look too good for me, I fool myself.
When I was Form 2 I been ostracize but until I meet with my first batch of Malay friends.
From that I start to learn and feel what is being like in a group or..... 'family'..
They seem like teaching me the meaning of friendship, the meaning of 'doing stupid things'...
haha..... yeah and from they I start to respect other race and understand the meaning of being a Malaysian..
And also from that I start learn to befriend with other sex....
Jump back to Pre-U, I wasn't the same me anymore, but I still confusing..
Everyone seems have a group by their self but I feel like I don't fit either one well.
Is that alone or is that lonely? Or that just a illusion in front of my eyes?
Sometime  start to think inside a room all by myself, by the time I keep thinking..
The more I feel lonely...then, what is lonely?
It is tough, it is a test for me... weather I can take it or not...
I try to confront myself harder but that is the reality in front of my naked eyes..
Or all this happen because of me? my problems? or all the things around me is an ills illusion?
I feel like I trap myself again inside that room.....
I live inside my word....Maybe I am a good runner in the school...so what?
Pointless....F**k me! Sometime I just want to be alone and think who the hell I am...
What is the meaning I exist .......
Sigh..... I don't depend on my friend too much but I just hate being lonely..
I don't want to go back where I was...
I want to move forward! Argh!!!!!!!!!!
I wasn't want someone to pity me but I just want to said it out...
It just make me feel better.... sadly...
Alone and lonely you both still confusing me....
The end.

Have I learn to let go? (15/1/2011)

The day I went to school everything is just normal...
Friends just like back then, teachers yeah same too..
And the most important, my class still locate at the same room..
Although is good but still a bit pain in the ass up there...
Because we hardly get to wind up with others  closer and longer...
The classmate relationship...Which is 'conflict' in some way...
But I don't give a damn on it anymore(ask myself, really?)...but not for my fellow friend..
Who call and rank himself as Corporal Yap...
For me things already a history and there is no point to F**k up with
the misunderstanding...because it just making me less like me..
Because I just want to more like me and less like you...
And yes I learn to let go.
I wish you, Yap also can....

Meteor, Friend, Moment.

I saw a meteor past by last night.
But I don't make it on time to make a wish.
Because that meteor past by about 0.5 second..?
Well I was shock when I looking on it, that was my first time I saw a meteor.
And last night really a starry night..
I staring the sky for few minutes...
I was enjoying as I enjoying that morning with my friends.
Is been a while since we "the bastard" having breakfast where we use to have.
After a year we still look the same except we grown a bit higher.
Most of "the bastards" is working and only a few is study.
Me, Steven,Chester and next year maybe is Ah Luan will join the study...
We did make a promise we recruit all " bastard" during new year.
Well if Gary still in Malaysia.
We try try to make it before Gary left Malaysia for years...
I thought after these years we may feel like a stranger..
But, we were not, we still "the bastards" of 5 Dahlia..
This what make we feel happy about...
And yes, our topic still the same- girls at the school....
Looks like "the bastard" don't change in some way....