19/20

It had been a while since I last touch my blog. The live in the Pre-U already gone, disapear like dust in the air, star in the sky. It just felt like the time had just toke it from me when I get hooked on it very deep. I finally find myself really are in some place and it just gone, perhaps it just a test or perhaps it just a stop. I got myself clear that I learn a lot of stuff during this pit-stop, I build my reputation, my name and my pride. After that I realize that it all just a beautiful dream. every morning I woke up at 6 now, I still sense the feeling I wanted went back to school, to find back who I really am, and all the sudden it just my imagination. Life after plus one is different, for someone 19+1 is just a bloody stupid math, but for me , it affect me so much. I realize that , I'm not a kid anymore, I'm an adult, oh yeah f*ck me an adult.
Still, I got a lot of stuff I still not need to finish in my age, I mean in my teen, I refuse to do stuff normal teen do, now suddenly I became a 20 years old jackass and I wanna do things I don't did last time, playing games, buying stuff, doing some stupid things, get a girl and etc, etc,etc...
Look at someone who is 20 already had their live, and I'm still the same... the things that border me was the age and things should have done in my age. Things that I should done before 20 is not enough, and things after 20 is a bit too far. Simply I stuck in the middle. Now I know feeling being growing up, is not as good as I thought last time.
Sometime, being "too adult" in teen was not a good thing, sometime you really wanted time stop at 19 and do whatever you haven't do. Sometime you even realize that you still child inside you heart, you don't want to grow up, you just a naive asshole... For me 19 and 20 is a mile stone gap between the earth and the moon. It just like jumping from a big lake to an ocean. It was totally different, people treat you also not the same. The way you talk must be change, the way you act must be mature, everything you had ,you have to put that on hold for the rest of your life and you need to put that on the show...
Life still waiting me, what else can I do? Only thing I can do is pray for a better life. The bottom line between 19 and 20 is a question that I will never be able to answer...